I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
