Screwed.edu
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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