Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
