So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
