i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
