I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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