he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
