plz talk dirty to me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
