I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
