She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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Do I have a choice?
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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