I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
