If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
