He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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