I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
