just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They took my balls.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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