your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
