There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I deserve this hangover.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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