oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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