I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
