I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
