My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
