Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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