found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
