I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
