my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So many bounce houses so little time
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
