Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
