Swine flu. Run for my life!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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