i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
