My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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