Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
