Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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