I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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