dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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