i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
