can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
