did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dicks are not precious.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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