hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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