Do vagina's smell?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
