she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
