Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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