I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
