Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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