so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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