You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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