My brain says no but my pants say off.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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