imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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