Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
