READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you never un-have a 4some
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
