does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
