There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
