So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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