dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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