Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
