what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
