so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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