i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
