he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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