I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
