I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
